Are you destroying your child’s future without even trying?
They say that by the age of seven a child’s beliefs are firmly installed in the subconscious mind and stay with them for life. Little wonder then that so many people have paddled ferociously up the working class river, battling against the white water rapids of poverty, working harder and harder but never really getting anywhere. Don’t get me wrong, many people have climbed out from the ‘cotton mill slums’ and escaped the ‘gang infested council estates’ but beneath their suburban middle class exteriors they are still fighting the shadows of vulnerability and self-worth every single day.
I say they, but actually I do the masses a disservice. I can, and should, only speak for myself and my own limiting beliefs. It is in my mind that my beliefs persist and it is only in my mind that these beliefs can be fed or, as I am currently attempting, be starved and replaced with empowering beliefs. I can actually think of several people who are way ahead of me on this journey but I will save those stories for another day.
As a parent the last thing you want to do is burden your children with the same limiting beliefs that you are struggling so hard to overcome. Don’t panic. It’s not to late! Despite my children being in their teenage years I know I can still empower them to re-programme their subconscious minds and reverse any hereditary damage already done. But here’s the tough bit, you have to start with yourself ! I never said it would be easy but the really important stuff in life rarely is. ( Oh no! Is that another limiting belief?)
The 3 most common mistakes Parents make:
#1. Parents don’t teach their kids to have a positive relationship with Money.
Do you remember being told by your parents “Money doesn’t grow on trees” or maybe even that “Money is the root of all evil” or if like me you simply remember the immortal phrase “We can’t afford it” then you probably have some deep rooted beliefs about money.
Now that I am a parent myself I often hear similar phrases being repeated to my own children. I actually hear my father’s voice saying the words but realise it is my lips that are moving. My favourite seems to be “you can’t have everything” closely followed by “you have to work hard if you want to have money”. Of course there is an element of truth in what I am saying and the words are delivered from a place of love and with a sense of nurturing but unfortunately these fatherly words serve only to reinforce limiting beliefs passed down through generations and thriving in our gene pool.
But you know money doesn’t grow on trees, right? Of course you do but because you know it doesn’t, your subconscious mind thinks that money is scarce and difficult to come by. By convincing yourself of that fact you automatically limit your beliefs.
How many times have you heard someone say “as long as you have a roof over your head you will be okay” and how often do the people who say that earn just enough to pay the rent but not much else? Isn’t it time to start telling your kids that money is abundant and that the only limit on how much you can earn is how much you want to earn! Well you have to start by convincing yourself and changing those limiting beliefs.
#2. Parents don’t teach their kids to listen.
A client recently said to me “I don’t understand my son, he just won’t listen to me.” Trying to understand someone by getting them to listen to you just doesn’t make sense, does it? We expect our children to listen to us, we expect them to listen at school, we may even expect them to ‘only speak when spoken to’ but we never really teach them to listen.
Listening is a skill that most of us are born with but few of us use to it’s full effect. We want our children to listen but rarely do we lead by example. After all “Children should be seen and not heard.”
When was the last time you actually sat and listened to your child, without judgment, without interruption and without feeling the need to give them the benefit of your superior wisdom?
We teach children to read, we teach them to write, we even teach them to speak in foreign languages, all wonderful skills, but we never teach them to listen. Not to truly listen. To listen without the urge to instantly formulate a response.
As our means of communication continue to evolve and technology creates ever increasing opportunities to communicate are we in danger of letting perhaps our greatest communication skill disappear silently away.
#3. Parents don’t empower their kids to explore their natural talents.
We celebrate academic success, we applaud A* grades, and so we should. We feed our children into the education system and hope that they will come out the other end decorated with certificates, diplomas and degrees. Not everyone is an academic and so we smile compassionately at the child who doesn’t quite make the grade. We show our encouragement, hiding our disappointment, at their choice of a ‘vocational course’.
What is your child’s natural bias, what is their natural talent? More to the point what is yours? What is that thing that you are passionate about, that thing you would love to do but you just cant make a living doing it! We watch children suffer with stress and anxiety under the pressure of passing an exam but rarely give them the freedom to explore their natural talents and enjoy simply being themselves.
It is far too easy to instil limiting beliefs in your children, you do it without trying, without thinking and absolutely without meaning them any harm. But if you are ever going to do something about it, you have to start with yourself.
If you want to change your own beliefs and stop destroying your children’s future the journey starts here.
On my own journey I often use my creativity to explore limiting beliefs. I have shared my thoughts on this matter through one of my true passions, poetry:
No Limits
It’s easy for you, you’re good at that stuff,
Full of confidence, nothing to fear.
I see the emotion, they mean what they say.
I just don’t believe them, its not what I hear.
The voice in my head speaks louder than theirs,
Not good enough, nothing but shame.
Where does it come from, this fear this doubt
Who is this speaking, please tell me his name.
Know where you come from, remember your roots,
We just can’t afford it, you can’t have it all.
Think yourself lucky, they meant me no harm.
Don’t climb to high son, its a long way to fall.
I search in the shadows, I seek out the light
No longer a boy, a man burdened with doubt
I see the abundance, the future is clear
My passion unleashed, I’m ready to shout.
I’m strong and I’m ready, lets do it for real.
I’ve something to say that folk want to hear
So I’ll fulfil my dreams, my passion for life
Embracing the future with nothing to fear.
I might get found out, but I’ll like what they find
No shame in my past, I’ve nothing to hide
Focused on hopes not crippled with fear
This life is a journey, so enjoy the ride
Neil Gowing
If you want to overcome your limiting beliefs and empower your children to fulfil their true potential, Parental coaching may be the answer for you.